If we haven’t gone through it, how can we relate to those that are?

Before I fully jumped into my healing journey, I made the difficult decision to get divorced. It’s common in today’s realm of social media to so easily label relationships as: ‘toxic, abusive, narcissistic or traumatic’. But I reflect and just see it as two people who hadn’t taken the time to discover their true selves, work on who they are, improve their communication of vulnerability & needs or heal themselves from their pasts. At the time, I felt like I had lost my mind and was continuously overwhelmed by difficult emotions. I was in denial and found myself not being true to myself, being the people-pleaser, the co-dependent and unable to hear or be heard. So, without knowing at the time how to cope, I avoided the discomfort in the most extreme way. I found an international position, booked a flight and started a new chapter following the end of my marriage.

In a struggle dynamic with myself, pushing down uncomfortable emotions, trying to avoid belittling beliefs, ego damaged, embarrassed, shamed and lost. At the same time, dealing with divorce in a foreign country so far from friends and family, I felt so isolated and alone. I just kept emotionally running; avoiding. I put on a big smile pretending that life was great; I was on my new adventure; I was living the dream!

Unhealthy cycles of romance and friendships continued, and the emotions that I had been running from started to catch up with me. This, combined with the demands of other aspects of life at the time, became unmanageable; I was emotionally exhausted. My mental wellbeing felt out of control and I knew that something had to change; I needed help, to change.

So, my healing journey began; 

I sought out my own therapist (turned mentor today) and read every psychology self-help book I could find. It was a time when I began to self-discover; learn, and face some hard truths about my wiring. The impact of unhealthy romance from myself and others and how my own family dynamic and core beliefs helped forge my subconscious and perceived truths about myself. It was an uncomfortable, (excuse the cliché) but life-changing awakening; I had never felt so me. I discovered mindfulness through music, journalling, beach walks, re-discovering healthy gym use and spending hours on the ocean. This self-work remedy transformed me during a combined ‘eat, prey, love’ concept of focusing on me; finding myself and healing through travel. It was during this time, that I realised I wish I knew back then, what I know now. My healing journey would have been accelerated and would not have taken so many years to achieve a sense of true and honest calm.

I then retrained as a psychologist; I wanted to help others and give back what I had learnt. I wanted to be able to help those in need, heal quicker, to teach them, and to support them in moving through the cycle faster. My learnt survival guide for you.

Please peek at some of my SOS tips that I discovered along the way, all in moderation, for you to find what suits you best; I hope they help you find some calm.

From me to you, Charlie.