Divorce, Emotions & the Nervous System: What I Shared on the Radio
Divorce isn’t just a legal process, it’s an emotional rollercoaster and can be exhausting. During my recent radio feature on the Helen Farmer show on DubaiEye, I spoke about how overwhelming emotions, nervous system responses, and subconscious “gremlin” thoughts can completely take over during a separation. I also had the chance to discuss how these emotional states affect the legal process, alongside Byron James, a divorce lawyer who shared insights on the impact of emotional decision-making in divorce proceedings.
As a divorce therapist and coach, I see this every day. People believe they’re making rational choices, but in reality, their nervous system is running the show.
Why Divorce Feels So Overwhelming
One moment, you’re holding it together. The next, you’re screaming in the car, sobbing uncontrollably, or feeling completely numb. These extreme emotions aren’t just sadness or anger, they’re your nervous system in survival mode.
- Fight mode: You lash out, argue over everything, and focus on “winning” the breakup.
- Flight mode: You distract yourself with work, dating, or keeping busy to avoid the pain.
- Freeze mode: You feel stuck, unable to make decisions or move forward.
- Fawn mode: You people-please, over-apologize, or give up too much just to avoid conflict.
When emotions run this high, clear decision-making becomes impossible. And that’s where divorce becomes even harder than it needs to be.
The “Gremlin” Thoughts That Keep You Stuck
Along with these emotional swings come the self-sabotaging gremlins, the thoughts that whisper painful lies, making you doubt yourself or obsess over your ex.
- I’ve failed. I wasn’t enough.
- There must be something wrong with me.
- I need to prove something to them.
Or they flip outward, fueling resentment:
- They ruined everything. I need them to see my pain.
- I can’t move on until I get closure.
The problem? These thoughts drive emotional decisions, not logical ones. And when you’re in a legal battle or negotiating a settlement, reacting from pain rather than strategy can cost you more than just peace of mind.
How Emotions Affect Legal Decisions
During the radio feature, a divorce lawyer shared how emotions often make divorce proceedings longer and more painful than they need to be.
- Some people fight for things they don’t actually want, just to “win.”
- Others agree to unfair settlements, just to end the pain.
- Many drag out the process without realizing they’re making decisions from anger, fear, or heartbreak.
This is why divorce therapy and coaching matter. It’s not about suppressing emotions, it’s about learning how to regulate them so you can make choices that truly serve your future.
How to Regain Control of Your Divorce Process
- Recognize Your Nervous System Response: Are you in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode? Identifying this helps you take a step back.
- Separate Emotion from Action: Feel your emotions, but don’t let them dictate life-changing decisions.
- Reframe the “Gremlin” Thoughts: Challenge the beliefs keeping you stuck in suffering.
- Get Support: Therapy and coaching provide a structured way to process emotions so they don’t interfere with your legal and personal decisions.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If you’re struggling with overwhelming emotions, intrusive thoughts, or impulsive decisions during your divorce, you’re not alone.
As a divorce therapist and coach, I help people move through this process with clarity, emotional balance, and self-trust.
Want to regain control of your emotions and decisions during your divorce?
Click my free SOS link for my free download:
10 Tips to Survive & Thrive During Your Separation.
