Recently I was interviewed by a reporter from Gulf News about why so many of us get triggered the most when we are in relationships…
Why is it that our partner can get under our skin and trigger us the most?
We work on ourselves, especially when we are single, growing, expanding, trying to be better…
We are ‘good’, and then as soon as a certain period passes with a new date or partner, we start to feel it…
The emotional dysregulation.
We start to feel vulnerable.
We start to need more reassurance.
We start to act out.
We can get frustrated, angry or upset.
So why does it seem to be that it’s only our romantic partners, (parents and own children) that trigger us?
Well the simple answer is, it can be a good thing. It can mean that we have stimulated our attachment system and potential love is also in play.
When we activate or deactivate our attachment system, we don’t like to admit it, but our deepest gremlins and insecurities come to light. When we are single – these may only be brushed by others, but not enough for impactful emotional dysregulation.
But its not just this – healthy partnership are able to communicate effectively about how we are feeling. Most importantly, healthy partners are able to be validate our emotions and (through their own abilities to emotional regulate their gremlins) truly listen to listen. Do you know how to do this?
Emotional dysregulation can cause us to be spiteful or hurtful in whatever form it comes because we feel a need to protect ourselves.
How have you been unhealthy with your partner?
When we feel emotionally unsafe, whether perceived or real, if we are shutting down, walking out, shouting, or appeasing – our emotional dysregulation has activated our sympathetic nervous system causing us to go into Fight, flight, freeze or fawn response.
This is a crucial time in a relationship – If both partners are unable to self-regulate in a timely manner, validate their partner and help soothe each other the foundation of the relationship will start to slowly erode.
If this sounds familiar, are you ready to learn how to be a healthier partner?
Whether you want to use the term psychologist, psychotherapist or coach, whichever makes you feel more comfortable in helping to tackle the relationship with yourself and others I am an online relationship therapist which can help you understand behaviours which may be effecting your marriage, relationship or dating habits. Whether you need a couples therapist for couples therapy, navigating marital issues, affairs or divorce. I’m here.
Get in touch and book your 20minute discovery call.
Best wishes,
Charlie.
Psychologist, Therapist, Coach based in Dubai providing global online therapy to those in need.
We don’t need to hurt.
#relationship expert
